<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Shiragiku by MarineHaddock</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26156719">Shiragiku</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarineHaddock/pseuds/MarineHaddock'>MarineHaddock</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Toku Hanahaki [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Kamen Rider Amazons (2016)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Arguing, Body Horror, But I don't care, Chihiro Projecting on Iyu, Chihiro/Hiroki Endgame, Crushes, F/M, First Dates, Hanahaki Disease, Love Confessions, M/M, NOT polyamorous, Out of Character, POV Multiple, Unhealthy Relationships</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 12:42:26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>20,274</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26156719</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarineHaddock/pseuds/MarineHaddock</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Chihiro develops hanahaki and assumes that, as she is the only girl he knows, it must be because of Iyu.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Chihiro/Hoshino Iyu, Chihiro/Nagase Hiroki</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Toku Hanahaki [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1864243</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Thank you everyone who has supported me through writing this fic that most of you will not actually read.  Your support means the world regardless.</p><p>This will be updating every Sunday!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chihiro lay on the couch of the base, a blanket pulled up tight around his shoulders as he sniffled.  He hadn't been sick before, at least not as long as he could remember.  He'd come in that morning telling them he couldn't breathe, his nose completely blocked and his throat feeling as if it had closed over along with it.<br/>
"It's probably just a cold," Kenta had laughed.  "You probably just haven't had one before."<br/>
"Huh, do you think Amazons can get sick?" Taku piped up, laughing along with him.<br/>
"I'm not an Amazon."  Chihiro tried to cut him off but they'd ignored him.<br/>
"They probably do, I mean like, dogs can get sick."<br/>
"Dogs can't get sick."<br/>
"Yeah they can, my dog got sick when I was young."<br/>
"They can get like, sick sick but they don't, like, get colds and stuff."<br/>
"Yeah they do dude, my dog had a cold for like a week."<br/>
"No, he didn't."</p><p>Chihiro grew rapidly glad that his head felt like cotton.  He'd stumbled over to the couch and lay down, staring into it instead of looking at those two idiots bickering.  Despite the respite of not having to listen to them, it didn't make being sick any better.  He'd be happy to spend the rest of his life never having another cold.  He'd knocked into far too many tables this morning from dizziness and having to look at the bruises wasn't something he was looking forward to.  He could just be glad that none of the others had seen him or they'd have never let him hear the end of it.</p><p>Hiroki wandered in late, Iyu following behind him.  Hiroki's hair was flattened awkwardly from his helmet but Iyu looked the same as ever.  Chihiro watched them, his eyes out of focused by locked on the pair.  Hiroki didn't give any explanation as to where they'd been, just launched straight into talking to Taku and Kenta.  Chihiro could feel a wriggling feeling in the back of his mind, worming its way through the pillowy soft cotton to root itself in the front.  It shouldn't really have mattered where they had been but it did.  He wanted to know.  Where had they been and why were they together and why were they late?  Why did Hiroki think it wasn't worth mentioning what they were up to?  He wanted to know it all.  Seeing them felt like he was seeing an inseparable pair and it made him uneasy.  Like he had to split them or something horrible would happen.</p><p>At one point, Hiroki looked back at him and asked what was wrong.<br/>
"He's got a cold and he's being dramatic about it."<br/>
"Huh, can Amazons get colds?"  Hiroki asked, setting them off again on their stupid argument as he came back over and covered him with a blanket.  It was the one he usually used for taking naps on the couch and it smelt heavily of his aftershave.  As he walked off to join the argument, Iyu lingered.  Chihiro could feel her gaze on his back.  Gentle and reassuring.  Watching him with kindness, not staring at him like he was a monster as the others often did.<br/>
"Amazons get colds,"  Iyu said, voice as monotone as ever.  Chihiro turned to meet her gaze, still feeling the labour of moving.  The words barely processed in his brain but the impact still struck.<br/>
"You know that Amazons can get colds?"  Had she gotten sick?  He couldn't imagine Iyu having to suffer in the ways he was at that moment.  She was always so strong, the thought of Iyu struggling, not being able to keep herself upright.  What would they do if Iyu were to get sick now?  Those idiots would still be trying to drag her out.  He'd have to kick their asses.  Then what would he be able to do for her?  It was easier lying down, he'd have to give her his bed.  Wrap her up in blankets and maybe he could get her some medicine.</p><p>If Iyu was sick, he would definitely take care of her.  They couldn't rely on the others for something like that, they wouldn't even take care of him.</p><p>Suddenly, he started coughing, his throat horribly dry.  Hiroki ran over with a bottle of far too blue liquid, sitting him up and holding it out to him.  He gulped the entire bottle's contents down in one gulp.  It didn't matter what it was, he would take anything to relieve the horrible feeling in his throat.<br/>
"Hey!"  Hiroki shouted as he took the bottle from his lips.  "Guys!  Guys, pass my phone."<br/>
Chihiro groaned, trying to fall back down onto the couch but Hiroki held him up, touch gentle on his arm.  What the fuck was with him?  What, were they going to make bank on some shit like 'Amazon drinks blue-dyed water'?  Fucking desperate for ideas and using him just because he was sick.  If he had any strength left he'd resist but he was too worn down to do anything about it.</p><p>Hiroki turned the torch on on his phone and shone it in his face, making him flinch away, but then grabbed him by the chin.  Strangely, he felt no compulsion to reject the touch.  Hiroki's thumb grazed his chin, gently convincing him to open as he shone the torch into his mouth.  Another fucking mouth inspection.  How hard was it to understand he wasn't going to grow piranha teeth out of the blue.<br/>
"Dude, get me the pliers."<br/>
"Dude, you can't get pliers in there."<br/>
"Fine, then the tweezers."<br/>
"Who's going to fucking have tweezers round here, dude, we-"<br/>
"Drawer under the sink, fucking hurry it up!"</p><p>Hiroki went in with the tweezers, grasping something from the back of his throat and pulling harshly on it.  He could feel whatever it was desperately clinging to his tonsils, pulling them forward with them only to be forced to leave them behind.  There was a yelp as whatever it was came out of his mouth.<br/>
'Whatever it was' being a sprout with a few leaves on it.<br/>
"Dude."<br/>
"So much for a cold, huh?"<br/>
"Told you Amazons couldn't get colds."<br/>
"He might still-"<br/>
"Why the fuck was there a plant in my mouth?"  Chihiro shouted, cutting them both off before their stupid argument could start again.</p><p>The three of them stared at him as if he'd asked the stupidest question imaginable.  The corners of Taku and Kenta's mouths starting to twitch but one look from Hiroki set them right.  The three of them looked at each other, a silent conversation happening as they decided what to do.</p><p>"Chihiro, it's hanahaki disease."  They decided on letting Hiroki answer as he handed him back the sprout.<br/>
"What's-"<br/>
"You got a crush on someone.  It makes your lungs and stuff fill with flowers if they don't like you back.  It'll go away if they get super into you."</p><p>A crush.  Chihiro's heart fluttered at the mere word, accompanied by a horrible stabbing pain in the exact same spot, knocking the wind out of him.  A crush, he had a crush on someone.  But who?</p><p>It had to be Iyu.<br/>
It had to be Iyu, there was no one else it could be.  She was the only girl he'd met and he didn't have any desire to eat her as he did with Hiroki.  That had to be it.  That lack of desire to consume her.  It had to be the feeling in his heart, begging him to keep her with him forever.  Forever by his side.  That must have been why he'd been so concerned about her coming in late with Hiroki.  That must have been him getting jealous that maybe her and Hiroki were dating.  Obviously they weren't, there was no way she was Hiroki's type and he couldn't be hers.  If he was getting jealous of their relationship though, that was it as good as sealed.<br/>
He just had to tell her and then it would go away.</p><p>The second the others went back to what they'd been doing, he had to tell her and save himself from the agony.  He lay there waiting, watching Taku and Kenta quickly lose interest while Hiroki and Iyu kept hovering over him.  Then eventually Hiroki went to do something, leaving them in peace to talk.  This was his chance.<br/>
"Iyu, I love you."<br/>
Iyu stared at him blankly for a second, eyes slowly blinking out of sync.<br/>
"...I love you..."<br/>
At the words, the pressure tightened in his chest, strangling his heart for all it was worth.  A chokehold, as if to stop the blood from rushing through his veins.  He massaged the pain in his chest, begging it to ease.  She loved him and it was terrifying but it didn't have to hurt so much.<br/>
"So, you'll be my girlfriend, right?" Chihiro swallowed the rapidly forming lump in his throat.  Then another and another and the scrape of the leaves left his throat feeling raw and horrible.  They weren't clearing that fast but already he could feel his impatience rising.</p><p>"...Right..."  Iyu agreed.  Her beautiful voice sending those same feelings through him all over again.</p><p>So that was it.  Iyu loved him as he loved her and she was his girlfriend.  How long would it take for this 'hanahaki' thing to clear?  It couldn't take too long for whatever force controlled it to recognise that it was fine now.  It didn't have to eat him alive.  Their love was mutual and that would be the end of it.  Chihiro curled back up under his blanket, hoping that Iyu would comfort him in his time of pain.  A way to prove the mutual feelings between them.</p><p>Instead, she paused for a few minutes, gaze fixed on the wall behind the couch, before turning and walking away to join the others.  Once again his ears felt too stuffy and the pressure on his sinuses was too much to focus on what she was doing.  He understood, of course.  While he may want to be comforted in this time, that was not what Iyu felt the need to do.  Iyu was Iyu and he loved all of her.  Her few words and thoughtful stares.  She must know that I'll be okay, Chihiro thought.  She knows that it'll clear up now and I'll be fine so she has no reason to worry.  She believes in me being strong and not needing her comfort.  She's simply respecting my strength by not coddling me.</p><p>As he started to fall asleep there, he saw Hiroki leave a mug on the table beside him.  Chihiro could smell the sweetness from it.  Typical Hiroki.  He didn't have the respect for him Iyu did.  None of them did.  Iyu was the only one who would understand him.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When he woke up, the pressure on his sinuses had eased a bit.  It was less dizzying and the pain in his face was finally gone.  It had to be a slow process, the disease slowly retracting back as the plants died and their love grew.</p><p>The brightness in the base, however, was dizzying.  All the lights were on and searing marks into his eyeballs.  Chihiro blinked, trying to keep back tears, and looked around.  Taku and Kenta weren't there and Iyu seemed to be gone too.  There was only Hiroki, sitting scrolling through his phone.  When Chihiro looked at him, he seemed to know instantly and looked back.  His vision was too blurry to make out the look on his face.  He saw the phone get shoved in his pocket as he got up and came over to him.<br/>"Want me to microwave your tea?"  Hiroki picked up the mug.  It was no doubt stone cold by now.  There wasn't any steam left to rise off it and a brief glimpse showed the white streak of milk on the surface.  Chihiro shook his head, he hadn't been that interested in it in the first place, it wasn't worth rescuing. Hiroki shrugged and took it over to the sink, dumping the contents down the drain and running the tap before talking again.  "Chihiro, who do you like?"<br/>"What's it matter to you?"<br/>"I'm not the one fucking choking to death because I got a crush," Hiroki's grumbled.  He could hear him scrubbing the mug and the water violently sloshing as he did.  "I just wanted to help was all."<br/>"I don't need your help.  I already confessed to Iyu."<br/>"Iyu?"  Hiroki let go of the mug in the water and there was the tiny clink as it hit the bottom.  "You like Iyu?"<br/>"Well, I don't know any other girls,"  Chihiro sat up, scowling that Hiroki would even ask something so stupid.  "Of course I like her.  She's perfect."<br/>"'Perfect'?  Tell me one thing about her."</p><p>Chihiro's body tensed and he could feel the flowers still in full bloom within his chest.  His nails dug into the palms of his hands, suddenly burning hot.<br/>"Are you serious-"<br/>"Tell me one thing about her, Chihiro."<br/>"Why should I?"<br/>"Because you're sitting there claiming to be in love with her."<br/>"And I got this stupid disease to prove it."<br/>"That doesn't prove it's Iyu."<br/>"There's no one else it can be!"<br/>"If you're so sure, tell me anything about her."</p><p>Chihiro stomped over to Hiroki, the blanket falling off him as he went and land in a messy pile on the floor.<br/>"She,"  Chihiro chewed his lip as he tried to think on the spot.  "She's... strong."<br/>"You like her because she's strong?"  Hiroki laughed and he hated the sound.  The heat of his hands now burning up his body.<br/>"It's one reason!"<br/>"What else do you know about her?"<br/>"Well-"<br/>"What's her favourite colour?"<br/>"How would I know?  I don't know anyone's favourite colour, you don't just go around asking-"<br/>"Okay, then what's her personality like?  Strong isn't a personality."<br/>"It's hard to describe a girl's personality on the spot!  What's the point in these stupid questions?  Do you even need a reason to fall in love with someone?"</p><p>Hiroki stopped, holding the dishtowel in his hands, squeezing it as he avoided Chihiro's eyes.  That was a good enough answer.  What did Hiroki even know about love?  He'd probably never even dated anyone, how was he going to know what you need to really be in love.  Chihiro knew.  He loved Iyu, so he already had that on Hiroki.  He took a pouch out the fridge and went back to the couch, kicking the blanket out of the way as he went.</p><p>"Are you going to ask her out?"  Hiroki leaned on the counter, facing away from him, the light of his phone reflecting off his face in the already too bright room.<br/>"She already agreed to be my girlfriend,"  Chihiro didn't get why he had to keep asking about it.  It was none of his business what they were doing.<br/>"You need to take her on a date though."<br/>"What?"<br/>"That's how it works, you can't just like... make her your girlfriend.  You gotta take her on dates and stuff,"  Hiroki didn't look away from his phone as he spoke.  A date.  Of course, he had to take her on a date.  Somewhere romantic.  They needed to have a romantic day out.<br/>"Where do you go on dates?"<br/>"What do you mean 'where do you go'?"<br/>"I mean, where do I take Iyu?"  He knew enough to know the basic ideas of where you go on dates.  He wasn't an idiot.  He'd watched enough TV and read some of the magazines they had lying around.  But where could he take Iyu?  Where was the perfect place to take the perfect girl?  <br/>"I don't know, take her to like a movie or something?  Just don't take her to an action movie in case she copies it.  I don't think she really follows the 'Don't try this at home' messages."<br/>"I'm not really interested in movies."<br/>"I thought this was about her, not you."<br/>"Well, you keep going on about getting to know her better.  You can't talk in a cinema."  Hiroki started grumbling something that he couldn't make out and the conversation died with it.</p><p>There was no point relying on someone like Hiroki for relationship advice anyway.  He needed expert advice.  He picked up one of the magazines that were being used to hold up the table, leafing through it to the 'date tips' section.  A lot of it was more focused on how to get a date instead of what to actually do once you got there.  'Put yourself out there', 'be open with your feelings', 'be confident'.  None of that was what he needed.  Iyu already loved him, he just needed to find the perfect date to make her feel special.  'Ask her out in person', well obviously he would do that, Iyu might not even have a phone.  If she did, she wasn't as rude as Team X.  The others were constantly on their phones while hanging out with each other.  Sometimes it was a struggle to get Taku and Kenta to look away from there's until Hiroki shouted at them to listen.  'Make it public; let her know you want to be seen with her'.  Obviously he wanted to be seen with her.  He wanted everyone to know he had the perfect girlfriend.  He just didn't need them questioning him as Hiroki did.</p><p>"I'm going to bed,"  Hiroki finally announced and turned off most of the lights.  Chihiro didn't look up from the magazine as Hiroki left, being left with only the light beside him on and a small light on the counter where Hiroki had been.  He could see it out the corner of his eye and it was drawing his focus away from the magazine.  Typical Hiroki, no wonder they always got in trouble about the bills.  Chihiro put down the magazine and went to turn it off, only to find that it wasn't a light.  It was Hiroki's phone, still lit up on the counter.</p><p>There wasn't any point chasing after him, he'd be back in the morning anyway.  He'd make it through the night without his phone.</p><p>Chihiro picked it up.  He was met with the faces of the four of them from a picture he'd been unwillingly pulled into.  Taku and Kenta pulling faces, Hiroki's stupid grin and arm outstretched, trying to cover whichever of them he found within his reach.  Chihiro's thumb hovered over the lock button but found himself hesitating as he looked at his own face in the picture.</p><p>Well, there was no harm in using it quickly just to find some tips for his date.  He leaned on the counter and tapped the browser app.  Twenty tabs currently open, the last one being some article with some young talent.  Before he tapped off of it, some of it caught his eye.  Something about the talent's love life.  He lingered for a moment, skimming the sentences.  Nothing specifically about dating, but talking about his partner and the struggle of telling friends about their relationship and it becoming public.  Ironic.  If Hiroki read this kind of thing, he should know better than to challenge him on his love for Iyu.  Maybe looking into the love lives of famous people was making him feel too entitled to others.</p><p>He tapped on the search bar;  'Where do I take a girl on the first date'.<br/>The results loaded and he tapped on the first few sites.  Bowling, mini-golf, theme parks, rock climbing, a rather crude suggestion of a hotel, a karaoke bar.  He couldn't imagine Iyu would be interested in random sports, though he pocketed the idea of a theme park or rock climbing.  Rock climbing might fit her, something about high places having an appeal.  Karaoke.  She didn't really seem like the singing type to him.  A restaurant, a stroll on the beach.  That seemed nicer.  There was a beach pretty close by and he had his bike.  They'd drove past it a few times, and there was a good view of the sunset from the sand.  Usually, when they'd been it had been to deal with an Amazon, but it had been a while since the last one had popped up there.  The blood and any remains had probably been long since swept off to sea if not eaten by another one of those monsters.  </p><p>He closed out of the app, once again finding himself staring at Hiroki's background.  Hiroki's face soft, skin stretched around his toothy grin.  Chihiro could feel the sensation of touching Hiroki's skin, a ghost on his fingers.  The softness, the muscle in his arms, the squishy parts.  He shook his hand, trying to force the strange feeling away.  There was something about it he didn't like.  He felt off looking at the picture.</p><p>What was it Taku did last time Hiroki left his phone lying around unlocked?  He'd changed the background on him, hadn't he?  He could count it as a bit of payback for his stupid comments.  Chihiro clicked on the gallery to flick through the pictures.  Some of Taku and Kenta posing and making stupid faces.  Some memes.  Promotional pictures for live streams.  More memes.  A load of pictures of Chihiro sitting about the place, even some of him sleeping on the couch earlier.  An unflattering picture of what, judging by the mole just above the lip, he assumed was the inside of Hiroki's nose.</p><p>That one would do.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He met her in the evening, not quite sunset but late enough to know they'd get there at a good time to catch the light as it danced on the waves.  They'd gotten lucky, it had been clear all day and the sun would be at its best.  He didn't have any nice clothes for a date though.  He had to settle on whatever was most presentable.  One of Hiroki's shirts that no amount of washing would take the smell of him out of, a jacket and a pair of dark jeans.  Simple, but at least it wasn't stained with amazon blood like some of his shirts.  No matter how many times he'd washed them it just wouldn't come out and he'd had to throw so many away.  It shouldn't be such a tall order to ask that he owned some clothes not covered in Amazon blood.  He kicked down the stand on his bike before heading into the base.  From outside, he could hear Kenta and Taku fighting over something yet again and smell the sickening scent of another takeaway pizza.  He took a deep breath before entering, only to cough as he struggled to bring it in past the flowers still clogging his airway.  It had already been a couple of days, how long would it take for these damned things to free him of their curse?</p><p>Pushing the door open, the base was dim, lit up by the string lights and a couple of novelty lamps.  They'd dragged the old TV out from the storage and Taku and Kenta sat inches from it, playing some game.  The smell was even worse inside.<br/>"Chihiro," Hiroki sat on the seats at the table opposite the door, his leg kicked up on the seat and the stack of boxes in front of him.  "Where have you been?  We waited for you for ages."<br/>Chihiro ignored him, looking around until he saw her.  Iyu sat perfectly still at the counter, watching the screen blankly.  They must have forced her into watching them, then left her sitting there bored out of her mind.  Chihiro approached her, placing a hand gently on her arm.  She turned to him, face blank from the boredom of being stuck here with the others.  There was no need for words between them.  Whatever he did, she would understand.  He took her gently by the hand, her fingers cold in his palm, and led her outside.  He could hear Hiroki shouting after them but ignored him.  He wasn't here for Hiroki.  This was about him and Iyu, and no one else mattered.</p><p>He picked up a helmet for her on his way out the door, passing it to her and taking his own.  She put it on and got on the bike without questioning him in the slightest.  She didn't care where they were going, she must just be glad to be out of there.  She surely longed for them to go somewhere together.  Somewhere far from the trouble of the others.  Somewhere where it could be just them in a way it never was.</p><p>It wasn't that long a drive out of the city, and the beach was just beyond.  Despite its proximity, it hadn't been a popular spot for travelling.  Maybe it was the links to the Amazon cases, but that had never put anyone off anywhere else.  It was strange how it worked in people's minds.  Their home would always be safe, but the places just beyond would always be terrifying and dangerous.  A step outside of their known territory felt like a death sentence.  An endless belief circled people, telling them that as long as they were in their own territory, nothing bad could ever happen to them.  The evils of the world would always lie just beyond.  Anything that happened to anyone within that safe area was because they simply just weren't them.  They were someone else, and so it wasn't safe for them.  The only thing that would ever change that was coming face-to-face with what they feared in that space they trusted so much.  Even then, they would still have their spaces where they thought themselves impenetrable.</p><p>Did he fall to the same beliefs?  Was there anywhere he truly felt safe?  The base flashed briefly in his mind but he pushed it away.  The base had Team X and he didn't want to view them like that.  The back of his mind growling that they were never a threat to him.  They would never be stronger than him.  They could never succeed in hurting him.  That wasn't it.  That wasn't the safety he needed.  If he wanted somewhere to make his home, it would be far from the people that made him feel desires he desperately longed to let go of.</p><p>It would be somewhere with Iyu.  The only person who didn't make him feel that hunger.</p><p>The bike hummed, near feeling as if it were on autopilot to their destination.  He could feel Iyu's arms holding onto him, not quite as tight as she should, but she never felt as if she would fall away.  Even in her most delicate touch, she was strong.  Maybe that really was what drew him to her.  That and the faith she had in him to be strong too.</p><p>As they made the turn for the road out, worry hit him.  How often did they have to go out at night to deal with an Amazon attacking people in back alleys?  If there was a call tonight, could Hiroki cope?  Team X had struggled a few times.  Sometimes their over-reliance on having Chihiro getting the best of them.  There were nights he arrived late and would find Hiroki soaked in his own blood.  Desperate screaming of his name to hurry up and help out.  The journey back with Hiroki's arms as loose around him as Iyu's were now.  Sitting on the other side of the room as they patched him up and he tried to avoid the smell.  He could feel his chest tighten.  Right.  He was on a date with Iyu. He had to focus on her, on making their love grow and getting better for her.  This wasn't a time to be thinking of Hiroki, who was only ever an inconvenience to him.  An annoyance.  They'd be fine without him, they weren't going to get taken down by some Amazon just because he left them alone for a night.  There was no reason to believe that tonight would be the night one shows up just because he wasn't there.</p><p>The sun was starting to set, even from the road they could see the waves, slowly being illuminated in a brilliant amber as they drove past.  Reflecting the colours of the sky and the brightness of the setting sun as it met them.  Repeating its own glory back upon itself.  The waves sparkling and then crashing down in a dark foam.  It took all his effort to focus on the road ahead and not just stare out at it from the road.</p><p>The salt in the air hit his lungs as it rushed past.  He almost felt as if the flowers in his chest shrivelled at the contact.  Drying out in the sea air.</p><p>They pulled up to the beach, finding it just as empty as he'd expected it to be.  The sand grey and ever so slightly glistening.  It seemed almost muddy, a stain on an otherwise perfect view but they weren't here to look at the sand.  He dismounted the bike, holding his hand out for Iyu.  She stared at him, her expression completely blank.  Even facing the sun her eyes were beautifully dark.  His hand lingered, but still, she wouldn't take it.  Instead, she dismounted on her own and walked down onto the sand and straight to the waves.  The tide washing up on her feet and her staring out at the horizon, unfazed by its lapping.  Maybe it was warm.  Maybe there was something pleasant in it.  Chihiro kicked off his own shoes, stuffing his socks into them and trying to roll up his jeans, knowing that they wouldn't stay up.  He took the steps through the sand, feeling each grain fall between his toes and took the first step into the ocean only to jump back in shock.</p><p>It was ice cold.  </p><p>"Iyu, are you sure-" He almost questioned her but stopped, seeing her silhouetted by the sun as the waves washed by her.  Her feet slowly sinking into the wet sand as she waited.  Something in his mind told him that she knew exactly what she was doing.  He walked back up the beach, far enough that he was sure that the tide would take a fair while to reach him.  The sand now stuck to his feet, scratching with every step.  He sat down, looking out at the sunset and Iyu.  He hadn't quite considered how bright it was staring at the sun.  It wasn't really the sun he'd intended to spend the evening staring at.</p><p>Looking up and down the beach, he could recognise where he'd last had to park his bike here.  The rocks just up ahead, now surrounded by the tide, had been where the Amazon had pinned Hiroki and for a second they'd all believed that would be it for him.  Chihiro had managed to stab it in time and use it as leverage to pull the monster off of him and a chance for the others to get Hiroki free.  Hiroki had been pretty shaken up by it afterwards.  He'd tried to leave on his bike as soon as the thing was dead but couldn't seem to start it.  His hands shaking on the handles and not managing to get the keys in to start it.  He'd completely forgotten to bring up the kickstand.</p><p>In the end, they'd ended up sitting on the beach rather like this.  Taku and Kenta in the water, Hiroki on the sand, and himself on the dunes behind.  It was one of the times he'd felt so full-heartedly worried for Hiroki.  He wanted to say anything to comfort him, but no words ever came.  It had only been silence between them.  Him staring at Hiroki for a sign and Hiroki never looking back at him.  Then Hiroki finally brushing it off and demanding they head home before they catch a cold.</p><p>Kenta drove his bike back for him.  Even though none of them said anything, they knew Hiroki didn't really want to drive.  Just like every time Hiroki got hurt, Chihiro found him on the back of his bike, with his arms wrapped tight around him.  Tightening with every sudden movement or noise.</p><p>Tightening how everything tightened within him now.  Pulling him out of his memories and making him realise the sun had been blocked out.  Iyu stood over him, looking down at him.  Was she worried about him?  It must have been obvious that he'd gotten lost in thought.<br/>"Sorry, I was just thinking about something," He could feel the pressure tightening, sending harsh pains through him, making it harder to breathe.  How much longer would it be like this?  Was there some way to make it faster?</p><p>Could it be that it was Iyu?  Could it be something with her that was preventing him from getting better?<br/>"Iyu," As breathless as he was, his voice still shook, desperately not wanting to ask what he had to ask.  "Do you love me?"<br/>Iyu cocked her head to the side, slowly blinking at him.  It was as if she were examining him.  Wanting to know what would bring him to ask something like that, what would bring him to doubt her.<br/>"...Do you?"  Her voice was clear and suddenly her gaze was piercing through him.  He could feel the flowers all rising within him, the growths now salty as they ascended up his throat, coating it with the salt that had almost brought their demise.<br/>"Of course I love you,"  Could she not see his pain?  Could she not see how he hurt for her?  How the flowers fought to take him over no matter how much love he gave to her?</p><p>But maybe that wasn't her intention.  She'd always treated him as if he were strong.  She had never seen him as weak.  There had to be another reason for her question.  <br/>"You're asking because... you're scared too right?  You love me so you're worried that it not clearing up might mean that I don't... But I do Iyu!  There's no other girl I know like you, so it has to be you I love."<br/>"I love..." Her words were barely a whisper but he couldn't help smiling.  Right, she loved him.  She held no reservations about telling him, even though it was still so early in their relationship.</p><p>"I love-" He wanted to say it back but suddenly no sound would come out.</p><p>He couldn't breathe.</p><p>Something was stuck, lodged in his throat.  Stopping the words from making their way to his lips.  He couldn't breathe.  He was coughing and gasping, desperately trying to get air in or to clear his throat.  Whichever, it didn't matter.  He needed air.  He fell forward, desperately trying to cough it up.  Hacking through it, pushing it further and further up his throat and dislodging the roots.</p><p>Thin, loose white petals came tumbling out his mouth.  Hundreds of them, wet and dripping with his own spit.  He could breathe again but he could still feel the petals sticking inside his mouth.  He scraped at the inside of his mouth, trying to pull them all out, dropping them with the rest in the wet puddle on the sand until the wind swept them away.</p><p>His eyes were burning and he could feel the tears run down his cheeks.</p><p>"I'm sorry, Iyu,"  It hurt his throat to speak now, but he persisted none the less.  "I ruined our date."<br/>He couldn't bring himself to face her, not ready to know what expression she held now.  It wasn't his fault.  Please don't let her take this as a sign that I'm wasn't as dedicated to her as she is to me.</p><p>Chihiro dragged himself from the sand, trying to brush it all away and wipe the tears from his eyes.  It was a stupid thing to happen.  A stupid way to ruin what should have been a perfect date.  The first step in curing him of this disease but it fought back twice as hard.  Trying desperately to cling to life and spread.</p><p>There was no point in continuing the date.  They went back to the bike and left without another word.</p><p>As they drove, her arms feeling even looser around him.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Slightly early update!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hiroki stood outside the base under one of the lights.  He covered his eyes as the headlights illuminated him, dropping whatever he'd been holding.   Chihiro considered just driving away then.  He did know where he'd have gone, but he just didn't want another lecture from Hiroki.  Not after how the date had already gone.<br/>"Where the Hell have you two been?" Hiroki shouted across at him before he could talk himself into it.  Iyu climbed off the bike the second he spoke, not even turning to check on him.<br/>"We were on a date," Chihiro mumbled, taking his helmet back off and fixing his hair from where it was sticking uncomfortably around his face.<br/>"We were worried, dude.  Taku and Kenta didn't want to stick about waiting so I have to take her home tonight.  Seriously, you gotta say something before you run off.  What if 4C had caught wind their pet amaz-"<br/>"She's not a pet!"</p><p>Hiroki shut up instantly, desperately avoiding making eye contact with either of them.<br/>"Iyu, go stay with the owner for the night,"  Hiroki said and she left without a moment's hesitation, not even stopping to say goodbye.  He braced himself for the pain of her ignoring him, but the flowers remained calm inside him.  For a second, they almost seemed at peace within him.  "Chihiro."  Hiroki gestured him back into the Team X base and Chihiro followed without question.  Iyu leaving was bad enough, at least if they were going to fight about it they could do it inside.</p><p>It was dark, he almost hadn't expected Hiroki to bother turning out the lights just to stand outside waiting on them.  Hiroki flicked them on as he went by the switch.  Hiroki was closer to him now and the horrible smell of pizza grease no longer hung in the air.  Now it stank of Hiroki's sweat.  Sweat and fear.  He remembered that smell from sitting on the beach.  With the sea air clinging to his own clothes, it was almost a perfect replica.  Why did that memory keep bringing itself back up?  Why couldn't he push it back out of his mind?  It had been hidden among so many memories, why would it stick out now?</p><p>There was another issue now though, one Chihiro didn't want to think about.  Even under the smell of sweat, there was something appealing about Hiroki.  Something that made his eyes linger on his skin.  When he turned to face him, his eyes fell on his cheeks and lips and that mole.  Now the feeling pushing at him felt almost as if it started deeper within him but clawed its way up his throat all the same.  He wanted to get closer, to smell Hiroki more and find his mouth on him.</p><p>Chihiro pushed past him, grabbing a pouch from the fridge and sat at the counter to drink it.  He didn't want those thoughts.  He didn't want to think about those things.  He was human.  He had no interest in the taste of Hiroki's flesh on his tongue.  He was a human like any other.  He pushed the thoughts far from his mind.  They didn't mean anything.  They were just nonsense thoughts.</p><p>"Chihiro," Hiroki sat on the corner of the counter looking at him as he drank from the pouch.  He sat there just staring at him and saying nothing, words seeming to fail him every time he opened his mouth.<br/>"What?  You sent my girlfriend away, just say whatever it is and let me go."<br/>Hiroki screwed up his face, brow furrowing but his eyes looked red and blotchy in the new light.  They stood out against the rest of his skin, looking almost like they were swollen from allergies.<br/>"You can't just go dragging her around wherever and whenever you want, Chihiro.  What if someone sees?  She's an Amazon, they'll be up in arms and calling 4C!  You could have got both of you killed!"<br/>"No one saw us.  As long as her arm is covered, no one is going to think she's an Amazon.  It's not like she was walking about transformed.  We went to the beach, there was no one there, and we sat about looking completely normal.  No one would have said anything even if they did see us."<br/>"But what if something happened?"<br/>"Nothing was going to happen."<br/>"What if Iyu decided you were an enemy and attacked you-"<br/>"She wouldn't do that!"<br/>"You don't know that!"<br/>"She's my girlfriend, she's not going to attack me."</p><p>Hiroki groaned, gritting his teeth at him.<br/>"What did you do then, there's no way you just sat on a beach all that time for a date, at least tell me what happened."<br/>"That's none of your business."<br/>"It is my business, do you know how much trouble we could have been in?  What if there's something you didn't clean up?  What if you got caught, Chihiro?  They could take you away and then..."<br/>"'And then' what?"  Chihiro automatically snapped back at his hesitance, not fully taking in what Hiroki was saying before he did.  Only a second later, it clicked enough how bad it would be.  The real risks of getting caught.  The risk of what could track him if it smelt him on those petals.  How much he was putting on the line for just a date and for what?  For a normal date with Iyu?  To prove himself to Hiroki?  To prove to Hiroki that he meant it when he said he was in love with Iyu?</p><p>Why did that matter?</p><p>Hiroki stared at him, chewing his lip, and Chihiro could have sworn he heard a sniffle as he looked away.  He couldn't take his eyes off of Hiroki then, even as Hiroki seemed desperate to hide from him.  That clawing of the roots diving into his windpipe crawled slowly up to his tongue as he watched every movement Hiroki took until he saw the tears in Hiroki's eyes.  Then he couldn't breathe again.  He couldn't bring himself to move but once again he was unbearably choking.</p><p>He didn't want Hiroki to see.  Didn't want him to witness him bringing up more petals and see him in the state of vulnerability that Iyu had.  Hiroki couldn't see that.  If he did, then they'd all know.  He'd never hear the end of it.  He couldn't be vulnerable around Hiroki, especially not now.  Now it felt like it would be a death sentence.</p><p>So he ran.  Out into the heat of the night.  Humid and as suffocating as it had been inside, but at least Hiroki wouldn't be able to see him.  He ran as far as he could with the little air he had left in his lung.  It was mere seconds before he was dizzy and he collapsed at a gate, leaning himself against the cold brick fence.  It couldn't have been more than a couple of houses over.  If Hiroki were to actually look for him, he'd be found in minutes.</p><p>Gently, he tried to pick the flowers from his throat, trying to be as quiet as possible as he did.  Dropping the crushed petals and broken stems at his feet.  Never-ending.  Constantly more growing and taking their place, coming so rapid now that he briefly wondered if he would ever breathe again or if he was destined to drown in broken flowers.  He kept picking them.  Getting just enough air into his lungs to keep himself upright as he kept clawing.  Clawing and clawing and not daring to think of why it was happening.  Ignoring the tears as they rolled off his nose and onto the debris of his struggle.  Trying desperately fight past the raw feeling in his throat.</p><p>He didn't know how long he was there.  It felt like an eternity.  The street silent and no one coming to witness his struggle.  No one had to hear him cough and sob.</p><p>When footsteps finally came, it was the owner who put a reassuring hand on his shoulder.</p><hr/><p>The next morning, Chihiro awoke with an empty throat.  It hurt horribly.  The dryness woke him, coupled with a horrible cough.  He grabbed some water, gulping it down with little resistance.  It hurt to swallow, but he could tell the difference.</p><p>The flowers weren't there anymore.  The water hadn't hit off their petals or leaves on the way down.  He could still feel them when he took a deep breath, the petals fluttered in his chest.  When he stood up too fast, he could feel the vines around his heart.  Yet still, it was undeniable.  He was getting better.</p><p>It had worked.</p><p>Chihiro fell back onto the bed, head bouncing on the pillow as he tried to take yet another deep breath.  The date had worked and Iyu's love was curing him.  There was nothing left to fear.  Just a little longer and he'd be back to normal and he'd have Iyu as his girlfriend and everything would be right.  Everything would be as it should be.  No more complications or uncertainties.  No more of Hiroki insisting that he didn't really love Iyu just because he didn't think they knew each other well enough.  None of him hinting that the love between them wasn't real.  </p><p>He'd done it.  He'd proven him wrong.</p><p>He couldn't wait till his heart would be freed of the violent grasp that held it.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I changed my mind, I don't have patience and that's everyone else's problem.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hiroki watched Chihiro run out and couldn't bring himself to stop him.  He couldn't move.  He couldn't even call out after him.  He couldn't do a damn thing.  Why not?  What was stopping him from doing anything to go after Chihiro?</p>
<p>Why was he crying?</p>
<p>He had spent the entire evening terrified.  He'd been so scared that at one point he'd been shaking and had to try to cover for himself to stop the others noticing.  They needed Chihiro, he knew that.  They needed him but that wasn't the thought that had been creeping into his mind while he waited.  He'd forced himself to think about Team X.  It had to be about Team X.  It had to be about the benefits of having an Amazon.  At best it could be a fear that something would happen to a friend.  A close friend.  It could be that he was scared Iyu and Chihiro were going to get caught, that was an okay thing to worry about.  He didn't mind worrying about that.  It could be that he was worried Chihiro was going to collapse from the hanahaki.  It could be that he was worried about some vicious Amazon tracking Chihiro down for revenge.  It could be that they were both Amazons and maybe them running off together was a sign that they'd abandoned humanity and decided it was okay to eat people.</p>
<p>It could never be the thought that kept trying to break through all the others.  That wasn't a real thought.  That was the kind of thought you had that was just muddling things to make him question himself.  The kind of thought that pops into your head and for a second you worry about your identity, only to realise it's stupid and meaningless.  Just something that would feed off his insecurities if he were to left it grow.  That was all it was.</p>
<p>He wiped his face on his sleeve.  Hoping desperately that if he walked out that door, no one would know he'd been crying.</p>
<p>That would be awful hard to do when he hadn't stopped.</p>
<hr/>
<p>It was a few days before he saw Chihiro again.  Chihiro wasn't avoiding him.  He wasn't avoiding Chihiro.  At least, he told himself he wasn't.  It just so happened he had other places to be.  Some nights, it was vitally important he sat outside the convenience store and threw rocks at people to see if they'd turn into an Amazon and rip his face off.  Luckily, none of them had been as far as he could tell.  His face would stay intact for now.  He hadn't had any plan for if one of them had been an Amazon.  If they were he probably wouldn't have been able to call the others in time to save anyone.  They would have arrived to a pile of blood and gore that had been their friend and probably the unfortunate cashier.</p>
<p>Maybe he wouldn't even have pressed dial for fear of which one would answer.  Maybe he wouldn't have made it off of his home screen.</p>
<p>When they finally ran into each other again, it was half mumbled apologies that neither of them seemed to truly know the meanings of.  The kind of apology you make to someone whose life is about to turn into someone you only ever pass by.  At best, you'll promise to meet up and never do.  They were both parts of Team X, that should have secured them out of such a relationship.  Yet now, it seemed like chasing down Amazons would be the only time they met.</p>
<p>"Where the Hell is Chihiro fucking off to anyway?"  Hiroki finally threw down the controller, having lost yet another round of Mario Kart.  Something about the lack of annoyed eyes watching him was eating through him worse than their presence ever had.  He almost missed that look of near hunger that seemed to take over Chihiro as he watched them play.  It was a strange thing to miss yet God he longed for it now.<br/>"I-yu, Iyu," Taku dropped his own controller and got up to grab a slice of lukewarm pizza from the box.  "He's always out on dates with Iyu these days, they just go for drives wherever."<br/>Hiroki's fists tightened as he tried desperately to keep his expression neutral, knowing it would betray him.<br/>"I told them they're risking getting caught, they're going to fuck us over."<br/>"Yeah, but do you think you could take either of them in a fight?" Kenta piped up dropping his phone onto the couch beside him.<br/>"I could take Chihiro."<br/>"Really?"<br/>"In hand-to-hand, sure."<br/>"Human or Amazon?"<br/>"I could probably take his Amazon form."<br/>"Do you think it matters?  They're probably about equal strength." Taku said.<br/>"The Amazon has armour and blades if you hit him wrong you're either breaking your hand or losing it."<br/>"Yeah, but it's Chihiro."<br/>"You'd take him either way."</p>
<p>Automatically, Hiroki chucked the nearest cushion at Kenta, who just laughed behind it.  They quickly moved on with the conversation, switching topics but Hiroki was barely listening to hear what it was about.</p>
<p>The comment was lingering in his mind in a way he wasn't fully comfortable with.  No matter how much he tried to push it away, tried not to think about it, it stayed.</p>
<p>He couldn't allow himself to think about it.</p>
<p>"Is his hanahaki getting better?" Hiroki cut into the conversation, pulling it back to where it began and ignoring whatever they'd moved onto.  He ignored the snort from Kenta.<br/>"A little, but not like, substantially," Taku scratched the back of his head, a tiny smile at the corner of his lips.  "You'd almost think Iyu didn't love him."<br/>"Or she was a cover for something," Kenta added.<br/>"You agree then, right?  Like there's no way he genuinely loves her."</p>
<p>The two looked at him then back at each other.  Those damned smiles growing on their faces yet again.<br/>"Hiroki, are you jealous?"<br/>"I'm not jealous."<br/>"Really?  'Cause you're seeming pretty focused on-"<br/>"I asked like two questions about them."<br/>"It was more than two."<br/>"And they're some pretty suspect questions."<br/>"I'm asking about a friend, that doesn't mean I'm jealous of his relationship."<br/>"You can be jealous that he has a friend that he loves more than you."<br/>"We just said there's no way he loves her."<br/>"You said that."<br/>"You were suggesting it!"</p>
<p>Hiroki fell back against the couch, narrowly avoiding hitting his head off Kenta.  He wasn't jealous.  It had just been a while since he'd seen him.  He was just wanting to know what was happening because it seemed like he was the only one not seeing him these days.  It wasn't like Taku and Kenta to know Chihiro better than he did.  All because of a stupid relationship with a girl he barely knew.  One he'd never know.  Iyu was only baseline functioning, she basically had no mind of her own anymore.  The thought of having to see him drag her about on dates sickened him to his stomach.  His smiling face by the frozen face of a dead girl.  What the Hell did he think he saw in her that would make him think he could be in love with her?  The entire thing was fucked up, yet no one could stop him apparently.  Maybe the others didn't care but they'd briefly known her.  Not well, but she'd been a person.  She'd had a life.  There was a time when she had friends and family and people who mourned her.  </p>
<p>Now Chihiro was dragging her around like a doll and insisting that life still burned inside her.</p>
<p>He was disgusted, not jealous.  There was no way he was jealous.  He didn't want to be dragging some corpse about, pretending it was his girlfriend.  It was hard enough having her in the room some days, making him incredibly aware that she shouldn't be there.  He didn't dislike her but having her just stand there, cold and still.  Even when she did more than that it wasn't right.  It felt wrong that she wasn't getting to rest in her grave.</p>
<p>He wasn't jealous of Chihiro.</p>
<p>There were footsteps outside.  The others hadn't looked up, both had sat back down for another round and their attention entirely held by the TV.  Hiroki got up off the couch and headed for the door, trying desperately to hold back any hope of who it could be.  He wasn't waiting for him.  It didn't matter if he saw him.  He opened the door just a bit to peer out, immediately recognising the red of Chihiro's bike and the skirt of Iyu's dress.  Without thinking he opened the door fully and saw Chihiro staring right at him.  Brow low and looking at him as if he'd just committed the most egregious of crime.  Bold shit coming from him.  Hiroki went to take a step towards them but Chihiro turned away.</p>
<p>"Come on, Iyu.  Let's go."<br/>Hiroki could feel the blood rushing to his face.  Had he done something wrong?  He'd just wanted to talk, what the fuck was his problem?  Couldn't he just want to talk to a friend that he'd barely seen?<br/>"Oi, did I do something?" Hiroki tried to hide the tremor in his voice, desperately hoping his face wasn't as red as it felt.  Chihiro stopped just short of the bike, Iyu already having climbed on the back, ready to leave again.  She could leave, he wouldn't mind that.  This was between him and Chihiro now and she didn't have to hear it.  Of course, she wouldn't.  A corpse wasn't about to drive off on her own.  But Chihiro was reaching to put his helmet on again and he just couldn't.  He couldn't stop himself from sprinting the steps to him and grabbing his arm, stopping him.<br/>"Let go, Hiroki."<br/>"No, tell me."<br/>"All you've done is doubt me, why should I listen to you try and tell me about my love life again?  You haven't seen anything, you don't know what it's like between us.  We've barely talked and you're going to lecture me again about how I don't really love her,"  The second Chihiro paused to breathe, he started coughing.  He tried to suppress it but all he did was leave himself hoarse and breathless.  "I don't need to hear it from you."</p>
<p>Hiroki hated him then.  With every word against him, he had hated him just a bit.  Feeling them all stab into him when they weren't even that strong to begin with.  He hated the defiance in them.  That all his words would be brushed off as if he were a distant friend who had never truly understood or cared for him.  When he cared so much.  He just wanted Chihiro to understand how weird it was.  That this wasn't right.  That it was weird and unethical and the corpse of a girl who'd never known him would never love him back.  That he would just keep choking and suffering because he forced himself to believe there was something there that wasn't.  There were ways to help.  There were things they could do when you loved someone that would never love you back.  Things they could do to free him of those feelings and they could go back to how they were.  All it meant was taking the time to grieve a love that was never meant to be.  Wasn't it better to act now than to wait and get hurt?</p>
<p>Hiroki couldn't bear to see him hurt.</p>
<p>But as long as he kept deluding himself that there was something there that wasn't, then Chihiro would never listen.  He'd just keep doing this and pushing it further and further and what would he become?  Who would he be and what horrible things would he do?  How much further could they push this until Hiroki couldn't be by his side anymore?</p>
<p>His grip tightened on Chihiro's arm.  A sharp pull and the helmet banged on the pavement.  He couldn't see the look on Chihiro's face.  The world was so blurry.<br/>"If you two are so lovey-dovey, then why are you still sick, Chihiro?"  There was a croak in his own throat that made it almost sound like another person had said the words.  If there was anyone else there, maybe he'd have believed they had.  Why did he sound like that?  Why was he crying so damn much recently?  It was always Chihiro's fault.  Every time, he seemed to get under his skin and sometimes he barely had to do anything.</p>
<p>Chihiro shook free of his grip and his hand lingered for a moment, trying to register the loss.  He could see the look of disgust on Chihiro's face now.<br/>"I'm getting better!"  Chihiro shouted, no doubt loud enough for everyone in the houses nearby to hear.  "Why can't you just accept that we're together!"</p>
<p>Maybe he was the problem.  In the end, it was his feelings that were getting in the way.  Yet those thoughts were never what he would say.<br/>"You're not, Chihiro.  If she really loved you then you'd be cured by now.  Maybe you never loved her, maybe it was never her you had to win over."<br/>"You think I don't know who I like?"<br/>"I think you picked the only girl that you know and assumed it had to be her."<br/>"Who else could it be, Hiroki?"</p>
<p>He didn't answer.  He didn't have an answer for him.  Who the Hell did Chihiro know, even if it was a guy?  The only people in his life were Iyu, Team X, maybe if they really pushed it he could count owner.  If he pushed even further he could argue maybe he was head over heels for some random person in 4C, but that wasn't any better than him liking Iyu.  What options did he really have that were better than Iyu?  He couldn't imagine Chihiro with Kenta or Taku, even as the better options.  He probably didn't know their favourite colours any better than he knew Iyu's.</p>
<p>He watched them leave without giving them an answer.  Iyu still as stony-faced as ever.  As if she understood none of what they'd been talking about.  He wondered if maybe she did and just chose to keep the appearance of being brain-dead around him.  There may be some rich personality hidden from him, filled with solid proof of how alive she was.  Maybe she was the perfect girlfriend when he wasn't there.  There was every possibility Chihiro was right, and they were in love and it was just some weird Amazon thing that kept the hanahaki from healing.  Whatever it was in Chihiro that made him heal so fast was powering up the hanahaki so it would take a while to clear.</p>
<p>Chihiro could truly love Iyu and for all he knew she loved him back.  Who was he to tell them otherwise?</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Who was he to tell them otherwise?  No matter how many times he asked himself the same thing over and over, he remained the same level of pissed off.  It didn't matter.  Chihiro's relationships were nothing to do with him.  If he wasn't even going to see the pair of them then it definitely didn't matter what his opinion of things was.  </p>
<p>He wanted it to matter.  He wanted it to be his problem.  He didn't want to drop it, he didn't want to drop it until it was gone.  He wanted to never think about Chihiro and Iyu as a "thing" ever again.<br/>"It can't be good, right?" Hiroki murmured aloud to no one, lost in himself completely.<br/>"Not again," There was the thud of Kenta dropping something behind the bar, the shaking of the mixer continuing behind him.  "Hiroki, you've been moping for ages."<br/>Hiroki rolled off the couch, righting himself at the last second before he hit the floor.<br/>"There's got to be someone else he likes, right?  Like, it's fine if he's gay, I just don't want him fucking lying about it."<br/>"True, maybe he likes me,"  Taku smiled as he poured his drink, pouring half of it over the side and cursing under his breath.<br/>"True, he never was known for having taste," Hiroki propped himself on the stool at the bar, knocking on the surface and getting a glass of ice in return.  Not really what he'd wanted.<br/>"I thought you were all into the human eating thing, I thought that really-"<br/>"Shut up!"<br/>"If you're so worried, why don't you go on the date with him?"  Kenta hoisted himself on top of the bar, a stupid grin on his face.  "Maybe he's been waiting."<br/>"Look, I just don't think it's right for him to string Iyu along when he clearly doesn't actually like her."<br/>"I thought your problem was that she's literally brain dead?"</p>
<p>Hiroki groaned, taking a mouthful of ice and crunching the cubes.  He didn't even know what his problem was anymore.  Whatever it was, it was that and fifty other things.<br/>"None of it sits right with me, okay?"  He pushed the rest of the glass back across the counter, this time getting a slice of lime dropped in among the ice cubes and it passed back to him.</p>
<p>It would be great if they could just talk about this and maybe Chihiro would see where he was coming from and call the whole thing off.  Here he was making it his problem again.  Why wouldn't he just listen and let himself not care anymore?  Why was so much getting in the way of just not caring about something?  If he wanted to not care, he'd have to at least believe it was a neutral thing instead of being something that made his stomach churn.</p>
<p>Maybe, if he just... saw it.  Saw it and just faced that nothing bad happened because of it and it was fine, then he could make himself believe.</p>
<p>Before he knew what he was doing, his keys and helmet were in his hand and he was heading for the door.  Only when the cold air hit him did he stop.  Jacket.  He needed his jacket.<br/>"Hiroki, are you seriously going to interrupt their date?  You don't even know where they are,"  Kenta shouted after him.  Right, that was another issue.  They could be anywhere and he didn't really have a way of tracking them down that didn't put them at ridiculous risk.  Usually, if they wanted to find an Amazon they could just check for sightings online or trust Chihiro to lead them to one.  He wasn't about to track down Chihiro with Chihiro.<br/>"Do you know where they are?"<br/>"You can't be fucking serious, dude.  You're being a complete creep about this."<br/>"You're the one that suggested I went on the date."<br/>"I meant instead of-"<br/>"Dude," Taku placed a reassuring hand on Kenta's shoulder, stopping him mid-sentence.  "I think they went to the beach again.  Chihiro said she liked the beach best of everywhere they went."<br/>Hiroki nodded in response and grabbed his jacket, walking out into the cold rain of the night.  Seriously, a beach on a night like this.  That should have probably been enough to convince him that they really liked each other.  If it had been him, he'd of whined until they just stayed home and cuddled and watched a movie or something.</p>
<p>Yet still, he started his bike, taking it slow on the flooded road.  His jacket clung to his skin, already insufferably hot in the summer air.  Why was he doing this tonight?  It could have been any night and he could have stayed in with the others and made drinks and watched some crappy movie.  They'd grabbed one out the bargain bucket at the convenience store and planned to rip into it for the entire duration.  They could have had a relaxing night.  Instead, he was once again chasing after Chihiro.</p>
<p>When Hiroki thought on it though, he found that every scenario he imagined clung to the idea that Chihiro would be there.  Even though Chihiro was never into it.  Even though he'd never cared for being a part of their fun.  There was something wrong about him not being in the picture with the rest of them.  The scene felt strangely incomplete without Chihiro in the background, glaring at him as if he wanted to be anywhere else.  Looking like one wrong move and he'd tear into them and eat them before they knew what was happening.  In Hiroki's mind, that wasn't even a threatening look.  That was just how Chihiro seemed to be sometimes.  Then he'd look again and he'd look so embarrassed and like he regretted whatever thought had popped into his head.</p>
<p>It was endearing to him in a way.  Not one he could explain.  He didn't like describing it like that.  "Endearing" wasn't right.  Chihiro wasn't the kind of friend he should use that kind of word for.  He wasn't the kind of person to use words like that.</p>
<p>Driving out with the city, finally getting within sight of the sea.  It was almost too dark to see it.  The clouds stopped the moon from reflecting on the waves and all that was left to make its presence known was the sound of them, crashing violently against rock and shore.  On instinct, he dropped his speed, the sounds of the sea almost overtaking that of the bike.  The static growing in the air was starting to make him even more uneasy as he drove.  The beach shouldn't have been far now, he just had to hope Chihiro was there.  He didn't want to have to head back in this, he didn't want to have to return to the others with nothing having changed.  </p>
<p>Then again, what did he want to come of this?  He was just going to watch for a bit.  It wasn't like there was anywhere near there to stay and Chihiro wasn't even going to know he was there to offer him an alternative to the sad drive home.  If he'd thought this through at all, it might have prevented him from driving out after him.  There wasn't a single thing in his favour.  There was no reason to do this to himself.  There would be a million other dates to crash, there was no reason to make it this one.</p>
<p>Yet he didn't turn around.  He rounded the corner bringing him into view of the beach and parked the second he found somewhere to pull in.  The rain bouncing off his seat as he pocketed the keys.  Where were they?  He couldn't use a light to look for them, he'd have to hope they weren't just fucking about in the dark.  Preferably not literally on that thought either.  Hiroki pulled up the goggles on his helmet, squinting through the rain, trying to pick out anything that could suggest they were here.</p>
<p>There was a light a bit back from the beach, a little far away and dimmed by something covering it.  Hiroki abandoned the bike and ran in its direction.  As he got closer, he made out the shape of a cheap tent with the light of a lantern the inside.  Part of him was relieved and another part of him felt like he'd wasted his time.  On one hand, thank God he didn't have to see them.  On the other, what was the point of being here if he didn't see them?  His pace slowed, trying to quieten himself as much as he could, sure that he was within at least Iyu's earshot if not Chihiro's.  Iyu could probably have heard him leaving the damn base knowing her, but she was unlikely to alert Chihiro since he wasn't an Amazon.</p>
<p>Hiroki crouched at the side of the tent, near the shadow he assumed to be Chihiro.  If he was lucky, he wouldn't be too visible from the inside.  The rain bounced on the outside of the tent, but he could just make out Chihiro's voice over it.<br/>"I mean, we can still hang out with them if you want to.  I just don't feel comfortable seeing Hiroki right now," Great.  Great start.  "All he ever wants to do is argue with me about our relationship.  You can't be comfortable with him being like that all the time, right?"<br/>"...right."<br/>"I can't say we always got along, it's always been sort of weird given... Then this happens and he gets so defensive of it too.  I don't know if it's that he likes you or he just can't be happy for me.  Maybe he just sees me as some cool pet still.  I'm not a pet and I'm not here to do his stupid fights for him.  Ah, don't get me wrong, Iyu.  I'm not against killing Amazons, it's just that, well...  Sometimes, it starts to feel like a gimmick.  I'm human like them, yet I just seem to be a way to get more viewers.  I don't know if they try to tell people I'm an Amazon but they're constantly pushing me as this cool thing no one else can offer them.  They know I don't like it.  It's like they constantly want to push my buttons.  Sometimes, I wondered why I don't leave."<br/>Hiroki's breath caught in his throat, his heart hammering in his chest.  He shouldn't be hearing this.  This was the sort of stuff he should be hearing from Chihiro directly.  It was a lot of stuff he had heard from him directly.  Stuff that he probably could have done more about sooner.  He shouldn't have followed them.  Why the Hell did he do this to himself?<br/>"Leave,"  Iyu repeated the word back to him, sounding more like a statement than a question.  Advice.  She was giving him advice on what he should do.<br/>"It sounds like the right thing to do, right?  I have issues with them and when I'm with them I can't help...  but I think about it and I watch sometimes and I wonder maybe it's just like that?  Hiroki will sometimes try to joke with me the way he does with Taku and Kenta and it might hit a nerve.  He does the same to them though and then by the next day it's as if nothing happened.  So maybe it's just how he is.</p>
<p>"I don't think Hiroki's a bad guy, to be honest.  I don't think he is at all.  He likes me, I think.  He wants to be friends.  The Amazon hunting is a group thing, so being a part of it is just being a part of the friend group to him.  Though I guess he's kind of made it into a boys-only club.  If he sorts his attitude out, maybe I can get you in too.  We could hunt Amazons together!"  A long silence came, followed by the shuffling of Chihiro changing positions, his back briefly blocking out the light as he moved to the front of the tent.  "I guess it wasn't really the best place to camp, I was hoping it would be a nicer night.  I just thought that it would be nice to be just us together instead of them constantly throwing you between places.  I can't imagine what they're putting you through, no wonder you think I should leave them.  I remember Hiroki saying he'd tell his family that you were his girlfriend.  I got so mad about it and I didn't even know why.  It should have been obvious that I was just jealous, hell Taku and Kenta kept suggesting I was when Hiroki wasn't there.  I didn't get it then but, I think I do now.  They're probably really proud of themselves for knowing before I did."</p>
<p>Silence fell between them again and the silhouette of Chihiro stayed facing out the door of the tent, not looking back at Iyu.  Hiroki's legs were starting to ache.  He was even more drenched than before and his feet were drowning in mud.  Slowly, he lowered himself off his heels, sitting in the mud completely.  Clothes be damned, it wasn't like they were particularly worth saving.  His feet didn't come free of the mud, having sunk in well past his ankles by now.  He gripped his leg, pulling on it, trying to force it free of the mud.  There was an ache in his ankle from the angle and he wasn't wasting the rest of his night with his foot stuck by Chihiro's stupid tent just to overhear his dumb conversations with his stupid girlfriend.  He pulled again, his foot starting to slip out without the shoe in tow.  Fucking Chihiro.  If he'd just listened to him, he wouldn't have had to be out here.  Stupid Hiroki.  He shouldn't have dragged himself out in the pouring rain.  He should have just listened.  Should have, shouldn't have, should, shouldn't-</p>
<p>He fell back with the force of his foot's release, the mud serving as a cushion for his skull, brain sent rattling within.  He rubbed his face, smearing more mud over it from his hand.  Great.  Just perfect.  Exactly what he needed.  He was covered in mud and now his sock was wet too.</p>
<p>"Hiroki?"  Suddenly, a light blinded him, the lamp now held only a few metres in front of him, framed by his shoeless foot.  He tried to cover his eyes but there was no doubt about what kind of expression Chihiro had.  "What are you doing?"<br/>Hiroki swallowed the lump in his throat, waving his hand to get Chihiro to lower the light a bit so that he could actually see.  Fuck.  He hadn't thought ahead for what to do if he got caught.  He should have been able to get away without Chihiro seeing him but of course, he had to fuck that up.  He lowered his arm from his face, hand sinking into the mud as it made short work of swallowing him.  Burying him in dirt and uprooted grass.<br/>"I was just, well, we didn't know where you were so I came to look for you," Chihiro glared at him, but his shoulders relaxed.  "I thought you might want to come back and we could all spend the night together."<br/>No one spoke.  There was only a torturous silence that said far too much.</p>
<p>"You still don't believe me do you?"  Hiroki felt the mud swallowing more and more of him, feeling the grass tickling his wrists.  Chihiro didn't even sound angry anymore.  It was hard to make out with only the low lamplight, but he seemed tired.  Hiroki couldn't even keep looking at him, finding himself just staring at Chihiro's chest, watching it rise and fall.  Wondering about what lay within now.</p>
<p>"I've been getting better, Hiroki," Chihiro must have caught his stare, knowing the very thought that ran through his mind.  Hiroki couldn't tell if it was true or just more of Chihiro's ridiculous delusion.  Was it really gone or were there still leaves rustling with every breath he took?  Hiroki remembered when they'd realised, and how he could hear the leaves as they rustled in his windpipe and how he'd smelled so strongly of fresh flowers that he couldn't recognise.  How he'd almost reminded him of the flower shop down the road, and watching them wrap the arrangements.  "Iyu and I have been going on dates and she loves me and I'm getting better.  We've been bonding and she really loves me so I'm... I'm getting better."</p>
<p>He could feel a crumbling in his chest, crumbling as if his heart were made of sand.  Something about Chihiro's words was so final, his tone so certain, that it just hit him.  Reality rushing back after all those thoughts, all those arguments both with Chihiro and with himself.  It now felt undeniable.  Chihiro was getting better and there was nothing more to say on the matter.  He'd just been pushing to deny it because of his own issues.</p>
<p>He'd been wrong, and Iyu loved Chihiro just as much as he must love her.  No fake love or projection, just something real that would be strong enough to keep Chihiro alive.  Chihiro had always been right.</p>
<p>If only the mud were deeper.  If only it would fill his ears and nose and lungs.  Why did he long for that?  Was it that bad to be wrong?  Did being wrong over something so dumb usually feel like that?  Usually, he'd just feel guilty and be able to fix it.  Yet now, here he was longing to be mud.</p>
<p>The only thing that stood in the way of being mud was the pairs of eyes fixed upon him.  The look Chihiro gave him now, Iyu's ever vacant expression behind him.  He couldn't stay there and let them stare.  He couldn't face them now.  Not tonight.  No words would form in his throat, there was no sound left to escape.</p>
<p>Instead, he peeled himself from the mud.  He stood up and tried to avoid their eyes, skirting around them to find his lost shoe.  It sat alone, just a few meters in front of the tent door.  What a stupid way to get caught.</p>
<p>Hiroki left without looking back.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Hiroki?"  Taku poked his cheek, finally stirring him from his sleep.  He didn't remember anything about the journey home.  He didn't remember walking in the door of the base or getting washed or changing out his clothes or falling asleep.</p>
<p>Looking down at himself, he realised that would partially be because he hadn't gotten washed or changed out his muddy clothes.  On top of that, he seemed to have fallen asleep on the rug.  They would have to hope Owner wouldn't notice the mess and they could wash it out.  Hiroki let out a deep breath, feeling his heart sink in his chest once more.  How the Hell was he such a damn mess?</p>
<p>"Are you up now?"  Kenta's voice came from the other side of him and Hiroki finally looked at them.  Taku and Kenta lay at either side of him, a long blanket stretched over the three of them.<br/>"What are you two doing?"  The mud cracked on his cheeks as he spoke, crumbling around his mouth and falling off whichever way gravity happened to take them.  He did his best to ignore the taste.<br/>"Oh y'know," Taku said, sitting up.  "We didn't want Owner coming in and seeing you fucking dead in the middle of the room so we figured we'd make it look like we were just having a sleepover."<br/>"Taku could only find one blanket so we just kinda bunched up around you."<br/>"You stink, by the way, I think you got mud on the blanket."<br/>"Fuck you guys."</p>
<p>Hiroki stared at the ceiling, trying to make sense of the thoughts racing through his brain.  No matter how he pushed through them, the conclusion remained the same as the night before.<br/>"Take it your date went shit then?"  Kenta said.<br/>"Don't call it a date,"  Hiroki brought his arm up to cover his eyes, only to be covered in the crumbling mud that covered his hand and sleeve.  "But yeah, it went pretty shit.  I found Chihiro and he was pissed to see me."<br/>"I'd be pissed to see your face on my date too."<br/>"Shut up."</p>
<p>He took another deep breath, taking in the smell of the stale soil and the remaining hint of the sea salt.  It was disgusting, yet he couldn't bring himself to move it from his face.<br/>"They seemed happy, I guess.  He said his hanahaki was getting better.  All those dates and stuff finally paying off for him.  It was just...  I dunno, you guys have heard me."<br/>"You don't think Chihiro really knows her."<br/>"And you know him better than that."<br/>"And you don't think it's healthy to project his feelings onto someone who can't respond."<br/>"And you think he should be with someone who can express their own feelings."<br/>"So that they'll really love him back."<br/>"And that guy can finally make Chihiro happy so he'll stop sulking while hanging out with us."<br/>"And his hanahaki will actually be cured."<br/>"Yeah," Hiroki sighed.  "Basically.  I mean, that and it's kind of creepy given she went to our school.</p>
<p>"But now like, they're happy together so it's just.  I guess I was wrong?  Like he actually does really love her despite knowing nothing about her?  She's capable of liking him back?  Literally, how the Hell?  But his hanahaki is getting better so I guess he really does."<br/>"Oh my God,"  Kenta got up, dropping the rest of the blanket over Hiroki's face.  He batted it off instantly, throwing it to the side and getting up.  Kenta looked exhausted but he could see the grin on Taku's face.  "Hiroki, you're being real cringe."<br/>"Don't fucking call me 'cringe'."<br/>"We've been hearing nonstop since you got Chihiro,"  Kenta tried his best to do an impression of Hiroki but failed miserably.  "Guys isn't he cool?  Guys did you get Chihiro's cool move there!  Did you see how he cut up that Amazon!  Taku, can you send me that pic of Chihiro?  Kenta, be quiet, Chihiro's sleeping.  Why is Chihiro mad at me?  I just want to help Chihiro.  Have you guys seen Chihiro?"<br/>"Chihiro keeps staring at Iyu all the time, it's weird,"  Taku joined in, doing his own terrible impression.  "Chihiro's not giving me enough attention, he only ever cares about Iyu.  Guys, what if Chihiro leaves me?"<br/>"I am not like that."<br/>"You don't have to hear yourself."<br/>"I can just drop it, it's not like I care that much about him."</p>
<p>Taku hoisted himself up onto the counter, raising an eyebrow at him and the corner of his mouth twitching up to match.  <br/>"Hiroki, you know when Chihiro's hanahaki started getting better?"<br/>"What's it-"<br/>"Every time,"  Kenta took the stool beside Taku, the same expression on his face.  "You came in here and gave your little jealous speech.  Next time we saw Chihiro?  Was miraculously doing better.  Every.  Time.  Without fail."<br/>"Iyu meanwhile still abandoned him the second I brought a vine compilation up on my phone."<br/>"So?"<br/>"'So' use your brain for something other than whining and show us how you passed maths class."</p>
<p>Hiroki paused for a minute, trying to process what they were telling him.  If Iyu wasn't changing about Chihiro, and the more jealous he seemed the better he got...</p>
<p>Could he be?</p>
<p>He couldn't be.</p>
<p>Ah fuck.</p>
<p>"Okay, so, if I liked Chihiro-"<br/>"'If'"<br/>"God, will it mean you'll shut up about him for once?  I miss talking about non-Chihiro things."<br/>Hiroki ignored them.<br/>"If I liked Chihiro, and his hanahaki was getting better.  That would mean he liked me."<br/>"Yeah, that is how hanahaki works, genius."<br/>"Well, Chihiro clearly doesn't like me and I don't have hanahaki, so that means that can't be it."</p>
<p>Taku and Kenta put their heads down together on the counter, simultaneous doing their best rendition of a death rattle.  They muttered between themselves something left inaudible to Hiroki.<br/>"Hiroki," Taku didn't lift his head when he finally addressed him again.  "We might not know Chihiro in the magical ways you do, but if we have to hear you pining one more time instead of just asking him out, we're going to unionize to prevent you getting the good doughnuts."<br/>"You wouldn't."<br/>"Don't underestimate how desperate we are for you two to just shut up and make out already."<br/>"You can't stop me buying the good doughnuts."<br/>"You don't control the team finances, we just won't pay you, then good luck getting any doughnuts."</p>
<p>There was no point trying to argue it with them, they were far too stuck in their idea of what he should be doing to properly bounce any thoughts off of.<br/>"I'm gonna go shower," Hiroki dismissed himself.  Brain trying to think about what they'd said and take it in.  He turned on the showerhead and got in as soon as the water heated.  If they weren't going to be helpful, the solitude would be nice, and he wouldn't have to be coated in mud a minute longer.</p>
<p>Still, it all kept rattling in his brain.  The idea of Chihiro liking him felt unthinkable.  What was there to suggest he did?  All they seemed to do was argue.  Though, in that case, why did he like Chihiro so much?  That should be enough to turn him away, but then why did he still seem to like him?  Why did he seem to like him more and more with every passing day?</p>
<p>What did Chihiro offer him?  That might be too logical an approach.  God, he'd gone lecturing Chihiro on romance and shit yet here he was considering balancing up the pros and cons of Chihiro's existence.  He didn't want to make Chihiro a thing.  Chihiro's words echoed in his brain.  "Treating him like a pet".  Had he treated him like a pet?  Chihiro had never been a pet to him.  He hadn't wanted some pet Amazon to do cool fights.  He'd just liked him.  There wasn't any particular reason he liked him, he just did.  He wanted to make him a part of the team.  A part of them.  He wanted Chihiro to be a part of his life and he could tell so quickly that that was what he wanted.  What he needed.  He was happier when he was with Chihiro.  That was something that had come up so many times.  Taku and Kenta had made fun of him for it so often.  Even if he didn't want to weigh it up properly, that did seem to be a fact.  Just wanting him in his life would always count as a pro.  Was that supposed to mean he loved him?  Maybe not, they could just be close friends.  It could mean nothing.</p>
<p>His heart ached at the thought.</p>
<p>Those were all just his feelings though.  There was no telling what Chihiro felt.  He'd always been so hard to read, there was no way to know if he hated him or liked him or if he did love him.  There was no indicator of his feelings outside of the hanahaki and he didn't know if he could assume that Chihiro was wrong about his own feelings. Taku and Kenta might think they have some proof but they weren't following the couple on dates.  They didn't know how things were growing between them and how much Iyu liked him back.</p>
<p>They hadn't heard her suggest that they leave them.  They hadn't heard how she could have convinced him to be a wild Amazon, living somewhere far away with her.  Somewhere where they'd never see them again and they'd never have to fight.  If their relationship kept going the way it was, Chihiro and Iyu could end up as just a distant memory.  They'd be left to fight Amazons while those two had their happy ever after.</p>
<p>Was that really it?  Was that really where they were at?  There had to still be some chance.  Part of him screamed to just try.  Try and find out.  Just tell him your feelings and let whatever happens to happen.  How bad could it go?  You get eaten by some pissed off Amazons?  Do you really think that's the worst outcome?</p>
<p>Hiroki washed the mud out the ends of his hair, watching it all wash away beneath him.</p>
<p>Damn it.  He really did like Chihiro.</p>
<p>He cleaned himself, still doing laps over the same thoughts over and over again until he turned the water off.  He couldn't stay in there forever.  It wasn't like leaving the safety of the shower would mean he had to face the music quite yet.  He could work it all out, come up with a plan.  He picked up his clothes, realising they were still covered in mud.  Shit.  Well, it wouldn't be the first time he ran through this place naked for a change of clothes.</p>
<p>Hiroki grabbed the handle and opened the door.  A person stood on the other side, hand raised as if ready to knock.  It took him a moment to process what he was seeing  Chihiro was there, looking about as red as his bike and holding a pile of Hiroki's spare clothes.<br/>"Chi-"<br/>"Taku said you forgot a change of clothes so made me bring them to you," The clothes were pushed towards him.  He nodded a thank you, and quickly put them on.  Well, it was better than trying to talk to Chihiro while naked.</p>
<p>Or it would be if either of them were actually talking and not just standing there.  Hiroki could barely bring himself to make eye contact.  He had to say something though, right?  Sure, he could let Chihiro walk away, but that wouldn't be right.  What would he say though?  He'd just convinced himself he didn't need to worry about confessing yet, but now that they were face-to-face, it was all he could think to say.</p>
<p>Thankfully, Chihiro took the initiative and spoke first.  <br/>"I was worried.  I wasn't sure you'd make it home safe so I followed you to make sure nothing happened."<br/>"Huh?"  Hiroki could feel a flutter rising in his chest once more.<br/>"The weather was bad, it would have been easy for you to lose control of your bike.  I let Iyu stay behind and just followed you back.  Soon as you were back safe I went back to her though," </p>
<p>Right.  That was it.  It was nothing to get excited about.  Chihiro still went back to Iyu in the end.</p>
<p>"Thanks," He didn't know what else to say.  What was he meant to say to that?</p>
<p>"What was the point of following us?  Why couldn't you just-"<br/>"I,"  Hiroki cut him off.  "I was jealous.  I guess.  I think I might have been jealous.  So, I wanted to convince myself that you really liked Iyu.  I guess you do, like you said, your hanahaki's been getting better.  Then I was talking to Taku and Kenta and we kinda talked about it.  We talked about you and Iyu and your hanahaki getting better.</p>
<p>And I think I was jealous because I love you."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chihiro crawled out the tent, the rain had finally settled and the ocean calmed.  The sea air penetrated his lungs, filling them completely.</p>
<p>There was no resistance now, he couldn't feel that fluttering as the air rushed by leaves.  He took another breath.  Still nothing.</p>
<p>There was nothing there anymore.</p>
<p>He was finally cured.  No more coughing up flowers, no more plucking at leaves and stems.  No more dry throat in the morning or god damn bees swarming him.</p>
<p>He was clear.</p>
<p>He could scream or jump or anything, however, he wanted to express his joy, all those options were open to him without any resistance.</p>
<p>He looked around, scanning for his saviour.  To find the one who made this possible.  She stood on the beach, once again standing just where the waves would lap at her feet.  She must have heard how much better he was in his sleep.  She wouldn't have to worry about him now, now they could really start their relationship and do all the things they were meant to do.  Hiroki would hear him and how much better he was doing and-</p>
<p>Hiroki.  At the thought of him, Chihiro felt another twang in his heart.  He'd made sure he'd gotten home safe but still, it had been on such strange terms.  Hiroki hadn't even said anything before leaving and there was no way he'd actually come to interrupt their date just because he hadn't known where they were.  If that were it, he could have just left it.  It wasn't vitally important that they were there for every night in.  They'd missed so many now, what was one more?  What had Hiroki been thinking?  Did he think they could just spend the night like friends now?  That wasn't going to happen.  Not after all they'd gone through recently.  Hiroki was deluding himself with this idea that he could just hop back in and be his friend like it was nothing.  It wasn't going to be that easy, not after all the time he'd spent trying to force them to prove their relationship to him.</p>
<p>It didn't feel like that was the real reason he'd have followed them though..  He'd been right and he knew it.  Hiroki was there because he just didn't believe in them.  He didn't believe they would make it work.</p>
<p>Yet here he was, standing on the beach with Iyu and lungs as clear as if they'd never been touched by flowers.  All because of Iyu.</p>
<p>Hiroki had to believe him now.  There was no way he could still deny what they had.  He'd go back and he'd show him, then they could put this behind them.  Hiroki could apologise and they'd be able to move on.  They could have their time apart and ease back in as they were ready.  He could get Iyu involved in the videos and streams.  They might not even need Hiroki with Iyu around.</p>
<p>The thought felt too cruel.  He didn't mean that.  It felt wrong to think it.  It felt like something was screaming at him for even considering the idea.</p>
<p>Still, he needed to tell Hiroki.  Needed to make him see.</p>
<p>They packed up everything and headed back on the bike, Iyu's arms as loose around him as ever.  She was so cold, maybe the beach hadn't been the best place to stay overnight.  She hadn't dried off properly before they fell asleep the night before, he'd have to keep an eye on her in case she'd caught a cold.</p>
<p>They arrived outside the base and Iyu stayed behind on the bike, letting Chihiro go in to talk to Hiroki on his own.  She understood this was important for him.  She'd already heard enough of Hiroki's arguments.  She didn't need to get caught up in his bullshit.  Chihiro didn't want him to fill her with doubt now that their relationship was going so well.</p>
<p>"Chihiro!" Kenta called to him the second he opened the door, a big smile on his face.  "Just the guy we need.  If you're looking Hiroki he's in the shower, you can take his clothes to him."  Kenta gestured to a small pile of clothes, folded on the chair.  Why had they just left them sitting there if they'd bothered to go get them in the first place?  At least it would give him a chance to talk to Hiroki in private.  He grabbed the clothes and went off in the direction of the shower.</p>
<p>He raised his hand to the bathroom door, suddenly hesitating.  Right, if he was holding the clothes, and Hiroki was in the shower, he would potentially be walking in on him naked.  He would very likely be walking in on him naked.  There was no reason to assume he would put his dirty clothes back on right after a shower.  If he was out of the shower yet.  He'd seen Hiroki naked before.  It wouldn't be anything new.  His hand was shaking.  Hiroki had whined one night, complained that it was too warm.  He'd seen him naked then.  He'd seen him naked when Taku stole his clothes after they'd come back from killing an Amazon.  They went skinny dipping once.  It wasn't anything new.  None of that made his hand shake less.  All he needed to do was knock.  He would like to leave the clothes here and go but they needed to talk so he had to stay.  He just had to knock.</p>
<p>He slowly brought his hand closer to the door, only to have it swing open.</p>
<hr/>
<p>"And I think I was jealous because I love you."</p>
<p>Chihiro couldn't think.  His brain wasn't giving him anything.  He heard what Hiroki said but he couldn't take the words in.  Couldn't process what he'd heard.  His heart was hammering in his chest.  Pounding and pounding.  It felt like it was ready to burst through his spine and ribs and anything else that dared get in its way.  His throat almost felt like it was full of flowers once more, only now without the searing pain of their roots digging into him.  Why?  Hiroki was looking at him.  Face red and breathing heavier than usual.  Chihiro tried to avert his gaze.  He couldn't take looking at him.  Looking at him made thinking even harder than it already was.</p>
<p>Hiroki was in love with him.  Or he thought he was in love with him.  Did it matter?  It felt like it mattered.  Hiroki was in love with him.  He had Iyu.  He was dating Iyu and they were happy and it didn't matter how Hiroki felt.  It didn't matter.  He didn't care about that, he swore up and down, whatever Hiroki was feeling that wasn't his fault.  That wasn't to do with him.  How was he meant to respond?  He couldn't open his mouth.  He knew what words were choked up in his throat and they weren't the ones he wanted to say.  He didn't mean them.  He definitely didn't mean them.  Why was the rattling through his brain so much?  </p>
<p>He had Iyu.  Iyu was his girlfriend, the girl he wanted.  The girl he'd fallen in love with, who he'd gotten the hanahaki for.  She was the girl that cured it.  The girl that listened to him no matter his problem.  The girl who believed in his strength, who didn't feel the need to care for him.  She believed in him and that was good.  That was what he wanted.  She allowed his independence by not hovering around him.  That was what he wanted, what he needed.  It didn't feel the same as all those times Hiroki had worried over him, all those times he'd tried to make him a part of the group.  It wasn't the same feeling that came when Hiroki tried to get him to eat with them or dragged him out to a movie or the bowling alley or anything.  It was different and he liked that difference.  It was good.  It was what he wanted.</p>
<p>He didn't want to tell Hiroki what was bubbling in his throat.  Those words meant nothing.  They were just a nicety that came when someone confessed.  He could turn him down.  It was easy to turn him down, and it wasn't rude or bad or anything.  It was the right thing to do.  He was in a relationship.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry,"  Chihiro forced the words out, swallowing the others that had threatened to take their place.  "Sorry Hiroki, I don't feel the same.  I love Iyu."</p>
<p>He still couldn't meet Hiroki's eyes.  He couldn't bear to look at him.  Something inside him felt as if it would shatter if he did.  He still felt as if he was choking.  Out of the corner of his eye, he could just make out the disappointment on Hiroki's face.  The drop of his head and the uneasy smile.  Why did it have to feel like he'd done something wrong?  He hadn't.  He was with someone.  He had a girlfriend.  Hiroki knew that.  Hiroki knew that and shouldn't have confessed.  There was no reason to put him in this position.  If Hiroki had just thought before speaking.</p>
<p>"Sorry,"  Chihiro dared to glance back.  Hiroki's hair was still wet, clinging and dripping water down his face.  Was he even redder than before?  He smelled nice.  Not that one.  Not the thought that followed it as his mouth watered.  Hiroki pulled his shirt on, not seeming to care that it clung to his damp skin in an awkward shape.  Why did he want to apologise?</p>
<p>"It's fine.  I'm just really serious about Iyu.  I appreciate it but I... I've put a lot of effort into this Hiroki.  I'm better now and that's thanks to her.  I can't just leave her because you feel something for me.  Not that I would, I mean, I don't feel,"  He couldn't bring himself to finish that sentence.  He was just thinking aloud, but that thought wouldn't cross his lips.  It wouldn't even fully form in his mind.  That one.  That was the one that had to be the truest of them all.  It had to be may well have fallen apart at the seams.</p>
<p>"I have to go."</p>
<p>Chihiro left.  He didn't hear Hiroki calling after him or Taku or Kenta.  He wouldn't hear them.  He couldn't do this.  Not now.  He walked straight outside and closed the door behind him, only pausing when he saw Iyu.  She stared at him.  She had to know something was up.  His eyes felt like they were burning and she could tell.  She knew.  There was no way she knew why but he could tell her that.  They could talk about it and she would reassure him that they were meant to be.  She was the one he loved.  He was the one she loved.  She was the only one he could never imagine eating.  The only one his stomach never drew him to.  That was destiny.  That was fate.  That was what he needed in a relationship.  If he felt anything for Hiroki (if, a big if) then it would be nothing more than a passing fancy.  Nothing real, nothing solid.  Not like Iyu.  Not like the world that Iyu meant to him.  A world that was free of the hunger, a world that was simple without those intense feelings.  One where his chest and mind could rest without worry.  The world of calmness where he never felt overwhelmed and he was simply always at peace in her presence.  That had to be it.  Simplicity and that feeling that was so right that it felt like nothing between them.  That was the happiness he needed.</p>
<p>He loved Iyu.</p>
<p>He got on the bike and drove off in the other direction.  They couldn't go to the beach.  Hiroki would know where to find them and it wasn't safe anymore.  That couldn't be their spot.  There were forests nearby that he didn't dare enter but if they drove far enough maybe they could find somewhere empty.  An oasis where they could talk without all the complexities.  Without the worry, if facing Hiroki before he was ready.</p>
<p>Maybe they only drove for a short time, maybe it was hours.  Chihiro couldn't tell anymore.  He wasn't even taking in their surroundings.  Only occasionally would he even be reminded of the feeling of Iyu's body pressed against him.  All that went through his mind was the conversation with Hiroki.  As short as it had been.  The image seared into his mind and Hiroki said those words.</p>
<p>"I was jealous because I love you," over and over and over again.  The look on his face.  The disappointment.  He'd have to tell Iyu.</p>
<p>They ended up on a cliff somewhere.  Maybe they'd never find their way back.  That might be for the best.  From the top, they could look out on the ocean and it was almost like being at the beach.  Just higher up, and the salt didn't hit as hard.  He parked the bike and they sat on a bench a little from the edge, looking out across the waves.  Calm and blue, as if all was right with the world.  As if the world was no different than it had been when he'd woken up that morning.  The sea didn't change just because things got a little more awkward between some friends.  The ocean knew only itself and cared for no other.  It didn't exist to encapsulate the feelings of a young man.  It was the same ocean Iyu had looked upon and its secrets hadn't changed.</p>
<p>"Iyu,"  Chihiro laced their fingers together.  She was still so cold.  Her fingers always seemed colder than his.  "I tried to speak to Hiroki but it went a bit different than I'd imagined.  </p>
<p> "I know I said I'd like us to be a team and I think I still do.  We could go off and we can hunt Amazons together if you want.  It would just be the two of us though.  Not that I hate the others or anything.  We didn't argue.  For once.  For once we really did just talk.  It seems like it's been a while since we did.  I wish it had gone better.  I want him to accept us.</p>
<p>"Instead, he told me he loves me.  I don't know why.  I don't feel the same, I promise.  Still.  He told me he loved me.  I don't get why he thought that was appropriate or why he thinks that.  He said it was because he was jealous.  He realised because he was jealous that we were together.  Now he thinks he's in love with me and I don't know if he is.  He's been weird lately.  I don't get it.  I just want him to accept me.  I want him to accept who I am.  I'm with you Iyu, so you being my girlfriend, being someone I love, that's a part of me.  He needs to accept that.  I don't get why he struggles so much with it.  I just..."</p>
<p>Iyu was staring at him, her eyes blank.  He could see himself in them.  His face reflected back at him through a cloudy mist.  He could never tell anything about Iyu's thoughts from her eyes.  Not like Hiroki.  Hiroki always seemed so expressive, so much of him could be seen in his eyes. All the joy and tiredness and anger.  All that time he spent crying.  He wasn't strong like Iyu.  Iyu never needed to cry like that.  </p>
<p>They were such different people.  Was it even right to compare them?  Why was he comparing them now?</p>
<p>"Iyu, I don't really know how I feel.  I know I love you.  You're what made me feel better.  You're what made it all work.  It's different with you than it is with anyone else.  With Hiroki, it's always so complex.  He makes me feel... things I don't want to feel.  Feelings I never want to have but can't help having when I'm with him.  Ones I don't even want to think about.  That keeps drawing me back to him.  No matter what he does, I end up going back to him.  Not that I'd ever want to abandon you, Iyu.  I'd never want to abandon you, I want to be together forever.  It's just that they feel different.  Different in a weird way.  I don't really want to describe it.  You'd think I was weird for it.</p>
<p>"I don't really know what to do.  I don't want to face him like this.  I want to go back and be sure that I won't give in to anything and I can continue my life with you.  I won't have to feel those things again and he'll just be Hiroki.  He'll be just another person.  That's what I need because I can't... deal with it like this.</p>
<p>"Sometimes it's just been.  So much.  So much to deal with that is just new.  He's been a part of so many new things and pushing me and I don't know if I'm comfortable with it all the time.  Like, nothing bad has happened and I guess he looks out for me.  That doesn't mean I want to be pushed like that.  That doesn't mean I need to experience it.  </p>
<p>"I just.  Then even though he does that, it feels like he's always so much.  He's always there and worrying and I talked about this.  I don't know if he does see me as my own person.  Would he say something like that if he did?  I don't know.  I don't know what to think or to feel."</p>
<p>Chihiro took a deep breath, his eyes starting to burn as the wind hit them.  Iyu still said nothing.  She just listened.  Did she understand?  There was always the risk he was just babbling and not making any sense.  There were just so many thoughts in his head and he wanted to let them out.  He wanted to just have them outside his head and maybe then he'd have a chance to make some sense of them.  Make them mean something.</p>
<p>How did he feel about Hiroki?</p>
<p>"I guess, I just want him to see me as me.  I want to be a person to him.  I want to be," 'someone he could love' were the words in his head but that couldn't be right.  That couldn't be what he wanted.  "I want to be equals.  I want him to recognise me as a person, that I have feelings away from him.  That I can have feelings, I can like whoever I want.  I can be in love.  I can be in love with you and that's nothing to do with him.  I can exist independently and I'm not... I'm not a threat.  I'm not an Amazon.  I'm not endangering anyone by being alive.  I'm not... doing what those monsters do.  Why can't he get that, Iyu?"</p>
<p>She still didn't answer him, her hair now blowing over her face, obscuring her expression from him.  It felt wrong.  He wanted her to respond.  Why was he always just talking at her?  When did he ever let her speak?  He wanted to let her speak now, but no matter how long he waited, her mouth didn't move.  No words came out.  No advice.  Nothing to guide him.</p>
<p>It wasn't Iyu's fault.  She was just waiting on him continuing.  She needed to hear.  She needed to hear it all so that she could understand.  That was it.</p>
<p>"I love you Iyu, I know I love you.  I am happy I'm with you.  I mean, if I wasn't, I still wouldn't go running to Hiroki.  I mean, I've listed a million things wrong with him.  All that and like what's he got? Sure he's pretty, and he cares.  He's always wanted to be closer to me and he knew they'd just see me as an Amazon and he pushed for me to be accepted into Team X.  He's always wanted to offer me so much and I...  I'm drawn to him in my own ways I guess.  It's complicated.  Everything is just complicated when it comes to Hiroki and I don't get it.  What does he want?  Why does he do all that and then try to tell me he loves me?  Shouldn't it be nicer and sweeter and fast and be everything and not just swept up in all these other things?</p>
<p>"All those times he seems to make fun of me and then gets upset that I don't appreciate it or does some small gesture as if it's meant to mean something and I don't know what I'm meant to take from it.  I never know with him and I don't know how to start understanding him,"  The tears flowed more with every word.  It was just a ramble now.  A ramble of feelings that didn't add up or make sense and may well have only served to highlight his own shortcomings.  Things he'd failed to ever speak to Hiroki about.  Things weren't becoming clearer.  He was just getting swept up in a cycle.  The same cycle that had plagued his mind since he'd come down with hanahaki.  Going around and around about Hiroki.  Hiroki's feelings.  How Hiroki reacted to their relationship.  Hiroki's jealousy.  The things Hiroki said and did and they had been all that polluted his brain.</p>
<p>"Maybe, I should try just talking to him about it."</p>
<p>It was a simple solution.  An option that was always open.  He'd spent so long getting combative over it, getting a reaction from Hiroki.  Had he ever actually listened to what Hiroki was saying or did he just react back?  Had he ever taken Hiroki's words to heart?  Why didn't he?  He tried to think it over and over, trying to break away and find something new.  Why did he act the way he did?</p>
<p>Going over the memories of the arguments, it was possible a part of him just wanted to see Hiroki react.  Part of him craved the interaction between them, to see how Hiroki would react to his newest relationship development.  To see the jealousy bubble up and spill out of him as Iyu got to have a relationship with him that Hiroki didn't.  Like he was making Hiroki see what he was missing.  It didn't make sense.  He couldn't understand why he'd want that.</p>
<p>What did he get out of Hiroki's jealousy?</p>
<p>He got Hiroki to admit he was in love with him.</p>
<p>"I'm in love with Hiroki."</p>
<p>He didn't mean to say it aloud.  Now he couldn't look at Iyu.  There was no telling how she'd react and time felt as if it were at a standstill until she did.</p>
<p>She kept the suspense.  There was no shouting or anything.  Nothing giving away her thoughts at all.  There was no way for him to tell if she hated him now.  He could feel it boiling deep in his stomach, beginning to overflow and stream down his cheeks as it became clear she would not speak.</p>
<p>"Iyu, please, say something.  Anything.  Shout at me or anything.  Please," He dared to look at her but her face was as cold as ever.  There was no difference.  It was all the same Iyu.  The same Iyu that loved him, that wasn't judging him.</p>
<p>That was a lie.</p>
<p>"Hiroki was right.  I've never listened to you.  I always just assumed your answers to everything and your feelings.  I've never let you speak.  I don't know anything about you.</p>
<p>"Iyu, what's your favourite colour?"</p>
<p>"...Seafoam."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Iyu went in ahead of him and he could hear her helmet hit the counter, bouncing back off it as he closed the door.</p>
<p>"Iyu!"  Kenta shouted at her as he was pushed out of the way.<br/>
"Give me your phone," Iyu perched beside Taku, hand outstretched for her demand to be met.<br/>
"Hold on, I got some saved for you,"  Taku opened a video on his phone and held it up for her to watch.  He could barely hear the sound but Iyu mouthed the words along as she watched.  There may even have been a slight smile on her face.</p>
<p>How had he never known something as simple?  He hadn't known a single one of her hobbies.  He had never noticed the attention she aid to those videos or how she would memories the lines.  He didn't even know that she liked Taku and Kenta so much.</p>
<p>Well, now he had a chance to learn.  Even if they weren't a couple anymore, he could have a chance to actually listen to her.  He owed her that.</p>
<p>Hiroki entered the room from the hall and headed straight for his friends, awkwardly trying to lean around to see what they were watching.  Iyu quickly pushed him back out the way for blocking her view.  For a second he scowled at her and then started whining.  Chihiro couldn't really make out what the four of them were saying.</p>
<p>Hiroki started smiling though.  Even at Iyu.  Hiroki hadn't even noticed him.  Chihiro wanted to call to him and get his attention, but the words caught in his throat once more.  Suddenly feeling as if he had never been released from his hanahaki.</p>
<p>That croak was enough though, and Hiroki looked at him, wide-eyed and mouth just a little open.  Had he not expected him to come back?  Did he think You came back on her own to hang out with Taku and Kenta?  Did she usually?  </p>
<p>Hiroki walked over to him but stopped with just enough distance to make it clear he was avoiding getting too close.  He rubbed the back of his head and chewed on his lips.<br/>
"Chihiro, I'm-"<br/>
"You said you liked me, right?" They both started at the same time, but Hiroki stopped first.  He nodded in response.<br/>
"You don't need to worry about it though.  We can just forget about it."<br/>
"What if I don't want to forget about it?"</p>
<p>Chihiro resisted the urge to step forward and grab him.  To force him to stay and listen to him now.  He'd finally worked this out and Hiroki needed to hear it.  This wouldn't be an opportunity that could just slip through his fingers.</p>
<p>Hiroki stared at him, saying nothing.  Then, taking a few steps closer to Chihiro.  There was still distance between them but Chihiro could feel how Hiroki wanted to change that.  He had spent the entire drive back trying to think of what to say.  Carefully practised scripts of heartfelt feelings that would make them both finally understand.  Now they were all gone, leaving not a trace of a word behind them.</p>
<p>"What about Iyu, then?"  Hiroki finally broke the silence between them.  Chihiro could feel his heart hammering once more within his chest.<br/>
"You were right, I didn't know anything about her.  I didn't love her the way I thought I did."<br/>
"Idiot, you'd have saved a lot of time if you'd just listened to me,"  Hiroki turned to the side, a forced smile on his lips.<br/>
"Yeah, I should have."</p>
<p>Looking past Hiroki, he could see Iyu standing on the couch, holding someone's phone over her head.  He couldn't make out what she was saying over Taku and Kenta laughing.</p>
<p>"She never really replied to anything I said, so I could just talk about everything and I thought she felt things that I don't really know if she did."</p>
<p>Hiroki ran his fingers through his hair.  He still hadn't styled it since his shower and stray hairs stuck out at strange angles.  Chihiro couldn't help staring at them as they were pushed back into places only to be ruffled back out again.</p>
<p>"If it was anyone else, I'd be amazed it took them that long to notice, but it's you and when have you ever listened to anyone,"  Hiroki smiled softly enough that it kept the comment from feeling cruel.  His tone was affectionate even in telling him off.<br/>
"I guess."</p>
<p>Hiroki groaned, turning back to him with that same smile.  A thumb brushed his cheek and fingers worked their way into his hair.  Gently pulling him closer until all he could see were Hiroki's eyes staring into his own.  His fingers were trembling as they did.  As if still afraid he was misunderstanding the situation.</p>
<p>Chihiro closed the gap for him, hoping it would be all the reassurance he needed.  Hiroki's lips were warm and soft and so different from the cold of Iyu's.  Warm and alive, with blood rushing through him and his heart pounding between them.  It took all his self-control not to go too far.  To avoid nibbling and resisting the urge to get greedy.  To consume him.  It was the first kiss between them.  He didn't need to go so far.</p>
<p>The sound of a camera shutter went off and the kiss broke, Hiroki immediately turning around to the source of the noise and glaring at the others.  Taku held up his phone and Iyu held up what was most likely Kenta's in perfect mimicry of him.<br/>
"You guys can continue, we're just taking some pictures for the memories."<br/>
"Yeah, well how about I give you something worth taking a picture of?"<br/>
"Damn, maybe ask if Chihiro would rather get a room before you go jumping to it."</p>
<p>Hiroki went to run at them but hesitated before taking the step, looking back at Chihiro without saying anything.</p>
<p>And Chihiro couldn't help smiling in response.  He took his hand and let himself be dragged over to steal some phones and save the pictures where they belonged.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The twist was this was always within DroppedAllTheseOreos's vine Iyu au<br/>Remember kids, write for yourself and no one else.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>